The Girl in the Dark

 

Life with children is bittersweet.

Yesterday, I boiled over at a couple of students. Lesson learned, but I’m glad it wasn’t too terrible.

I spoke too harshly with a girl named BD because she spoke out of turn when the class was trying to organize to get to lunch.

I had a power struggle with a girl named NI. She panicked about losing something, and I told her where to sit, and she refused. Her refusal made me too angry.

I was able to mend both situations by sleeping on it last night and then apologizing to each of them today. It’s possible that they don’t often have adults apologize to them, and they accepted it readily.

A boy named PH, who has no friends, asked me if there is a way to make friends. I gave him the best advice I could which is to tell someone about things you like and ask them about what they like. I’ll check in on him and make sure he knows how to articulate things like this. I notice his enunciation is very poor, and I have trouble understanding him. This year’s fourth graders were cheated out of first grade during the Pandemic. They lost the opportunity to learn basic verbal, reading, and writing skills. Some are dysfunctional in one or all of these things.

Today, we were warned we would have a lockdown drill. I do not like lockdown drills. I think they harm children by scaring them. These drills do not prepare us for disasters. I’m glad to see that New York State has changed its mandate. Next year, they will require schools to hold one lockdown drill per year, down from the current four per year. Studies have not shown that these lockdown drills lead to better outcomes when intruders enter schools to do harm.

The boy named PH asked me if I could hold his hand during the drill. He was on the verge of tears. I told him I couldn’t promise because I didn’t know what would be required of me. As it turns out, I was able to be with him. When the drill began, we were in the cafeteria. An administrator turned off the lights, and we were supposed to be silent and sit still for the duration of the drill. I held PH’s hand and hugged his shoulders. He cried. I gave him a napkin for his tears. I stayed with him. The children near him giggled quietly, out of discomfort over the situation. Giggling is one way to deal with this very uncomfortable procedure, this very uncomfortable demand, and crying is another way.

Lockdown drills are not at all like fire safety drills. Fire safety drills work. A New York City fire Marshall told us that the City has not had a fatality in a school from fires in over a hundred years, and that is because of fire drills. They work. Children know what to do, and they do it quietly and properly. Most children are not traumatize by fire drills.

I’m glad I could be there with PH. He was better later. It’s both sad and rewarding for me.

I told the girl named NI to write a song about a girl who got too fearful and a scary place. She wrote the lyrics immediately and will work on the melody at home. The song is called The Girl in the Dark.